Everything about Safeword totally explained
» This article is about the use of safewords in BDSM, for their use in contact sports see Safeword (sports).
A
safeword is a codeword or series of codewords that are sometimes used in
BDSM to mean that a
submissive (or '
bottom') is reaching a physical, emotional or moral boundary or for the
dominant (or '
top') to
stop the sceneplay. Safewords are agreed upon before playing a scene by all participants. Many organized BDSM groups have standard safewords that all members agree to use to avoid confusion at organized play events.
Forms of safeword
In
BDSM, the
safeword is generally used so that the 'bottom' can scream "no, stop", etc. as much as he/she wants without really meaning it, and still have a way of indicating a serious desire that the scene stops. Accordingly, a safeword is usually a word that the person wouldn't ordinarily say during sex, such as
red light,
big tree,
Rumba,
scrambled eggs,
Alabama, or
aardvark. Commonly the word
safeword itself is used as a safeword. It is the default at many play parties.
With the range of safewords in common use it's important that the safeword be negotiated beforehand.
Green, yellow and red
Some partners have different gradations of safeword, such as
green to mean "ok" or even "harder" or "more,"
yellow to mean "slow down" or "stop doing that" without stopping the scene, and
red to mean "let's stop the scene".
On request
Another way to use safe words is for a 'top' to ask the 'bottom' "What is your color?" -- So in addition to red and yellow, green is a common safe word used to indicate, "I'm fine" or even "push harder."
Non-verbal
In other circumstances the safeword may not be a "word" at all, which is very useful when the submissive is
bound and
gagged. In these instances a signal such as dropping a bell or a ball, the snapping of fingers, or making three clear and rhythmic grunts or some other specific vigorous movement works as a pre-defined signal to stop or otherwise slow down the scene. There is also a convention of tops to put a finger in the 'bottom' 's hand as a sort of 'check in' when the 'bottom' has become non-verbal, such as may happen as they reach
subspace. In this scenario the 'bottom' squeezes the 'top's finger to indicate OK.
Dropping roleplay
In the case of
sexual role-play, some simply drop out of character to safeword, such as having the submissive address the dominant by his/her first name.
Who can use
It is a common misconception that safeword is only for the bottom's physical and emotional safety. It is in fact important that it can be used by all participants in a scene: bottoms, tops, dungeon masters at play parties and even at times observers.
For example a common practices in BDSM involves a bottom misbehaving intentionally to indicate the desire for harsher treatment. Sometimes a top will need to safeword the scene to let them know they've gone too far for them.
Third parties observing the scene may have the ability to spot something dangerous going on that both the top and bottom have missed, and need to stop the scene to point it out.
No-fault
Probably the most common reason that bottoms and submissives hesitate to safeword is fear of disappointing the top. This can cause a scene to go on where it should have stopped, causing some form of harm to its participants. As such it's considered important in many parts of the
BDSM community that the use of safeword remain
no-fault so that participants feel as safe as possible using it. Reassuring the party that safeworded is a common practice for this reason as well.
Discouraging the use of safeword runs the risk of future scenes becoming non-consensual and harming the bottom's trust.
Play without safeword
While many in the
BDSM community consider safewords an essential part of safe play, there's a significant contingent that doesn't have any such term in their relationships or their play. Some of these people simply use the word
Stop, but this may be risky as it may be misinterpreted as
role-playing.
Others rely on the 'top' to monitor the condition of the 'bottom' and stop if necessary, at their discretion. In such circumstances the 'bottom' or submissive must have
consented not to have control over the duration of the scene in advance.
Other usages
During the filming of
The Blair Witch Project, the actors used the safeword of "taco" to indicate that they were going to break character and discuss the progression of the film.
In the 2004 movie
EuroTrip,
Jacob Pitts' character Cooper is unable to pronounce the written safeword "FLÜGGĂЭNK∂€ČHIŒβØL∫ÊN".
Further Information
Get more info on 'Safeword'.
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